YoungThicc69’s Top 10 Waifus (2017)

I started this blog with the intention of making it anime-and-manga-centric, with a few posts about movies and comics here and there. But so far, it’s mostly been film analysis. My bad. It’s time to shake things up a bit. That’s right, clods, we’re sinking straight down to rock bottom; the following is a list is dedicated to all those special ladies who dominate my google drive storage space. These are YoungThicc69’s Top Ten Waifus (as of 2017). 

Before the rampant meat-beating begins, however, let’s set a few rules: since your boy is loyal af, I’m only allowing one character per series/franchise. I’ll leave the runner-ups from certain series in the ‘honorable mentions’ section. This list is in no particular order, since I would never be able to decide on permanent rankings for my dearly beloved waifus—I love them all equally…more or less. And if you think this list is exclusive to anime and manga, think again. No 2-D character is off-limits. And one more thing: if any one of you motherfuckers start whining in the comments section that none of your waifus made the cut, I will eviscerate you without a second thought. Personal taste, yo.

Warning: this list is NSFW due to sexually explicit descriptions, suggestive pictures of the waifus in question, and generally perverted content throughout. In order to explain why I love these girls as much as I do, sexual attraction is an unavoidable topic. This list will make you think I’m a creepy, delusional piece of weeb scum and cause you extreme discomfort. You may even feel your suicidal thoughts intensify. All of this is intentional. I’d also like to remind you that I’ve beaten my meat to each and every one of these girls a countless number of a times. With that image fresh in your mind, let’s begin.

Asuka Langely Soryuu ~ Neon Genesis Evangelion

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Evangelion waifus are in a category all their own. Not only are they some of the most attractive and well-designed females in all of anime, but they’re also deeply flawed and multi-layered characters, with implications that go beyond your typical waifus. Endless Jess describes the complex appeal of these goddesses in his Wonderful Waifus: Evangelion video better than I ever could. From the moment I decided to make this list I knew I would to make one of the toughest choices that every otaku must make in his lifetime: Asuka, Rei, or Misato? The arguments that result from this decision have raged across the anime fandom for over two decades now. But deep down, I knew that Asuka was the one for me. She’s grabbed me in a way that few fictional characters can, and hasn’t let go ever since.

It’s hard for me to put into words why Asuka appeals to me as much as she does. I don’t relate to her nearly as much as I relate to Shinji, but her character arc is so well-written and so brilliantly crafted that my empathetic hard-on for her throbs just  as much for her as it does for him. The revelation of her backstory in episode 21 and the psychological probing of the angel  Arael which triggers it is not only of the most heartbreaking sequences in all of anime, but it’s also the setup for an even greater scene in The End of Evangelion. Those who’ve already seen it (which should be all of you, since it’s literally the greatest movie ever made) probably know what I’m talking about.  Emotionally destroyed and reduced to a coma-like state, Asuka is in no shape to defend NERV headquarters from the ongoing invasion by SEELE. She is backed into a corner, uselessly curled up into the fetal position inside Eva Unit-02, and must choose whether to remain trapped inside her head and accept death, or to rekindle her will to fight and survive. She begins to whisper five little words, over and over and over again: “I don’t want to die”. What follows is an explosive awakening inside Asuka, as she realizes that her dead mother has been watching over her all along, and one of the greatest action sequences ever animated begins. Everything about this scene is damn-near perfect, and it perfectly encapsulates what makes Asuka a great character both because of and in spite of her flaws.

And let’s not beat around the bush—Asuka is insanely hot. Even if you somehow dislike Asuka as a character, you can’t deny that she looks like a fucking goddess. I have more pictures of her stashed away on my computer than any other character, and I’m not even the slightest bit ashamed.

And when I call Asuka hot, I don’t just mean hot in terms of physical appearance. Her personality is hotter than boiling magma, explosive and magnetic. From the moment she appears on the screen, Asuka is impossible not to love. Her mere presence completely changes the tone of the show from episode 8 onwards.

Many accuse Asuka of being an asshole and blame her for the creation of the tsundere archetype. To those people I say…you’re not entirely wrong. But that’s the point. Yes, Asuka is, for lack of a better word, an asshole. She’s can be a downright bully at times—quite often, in fact. But unlike the countless number of shallow imitations which have tried and failed to capture her appeal, all of Asuka’s behavior is rooted in the nature of her character. She’s not the archetype that mouth-breathing twats on the internet make her out to be. I’ve never once gotten agitated or even slightly annoyed with Asuka—even the worst sides of her personality are used to fantastic dramatic or comedic effect, and always speak from a deeply hurt part of her heart. Behind that bombastic personality, Asuka is just a scared little girl desperately looking for validation and love.

And that’s the special thing about Asuka—about all of the Eva waifus—you aren’t only attracted to them for the shallow, uppermost layers of physical appearance and outward personality. You feel a certain weight to your affection for them, as if they were real people. You want to help ease the pain they carry in their hearts, to bring them the happiness and validation that they so desperately long for, and maybe even hope that they can do the same for you. And even if you can’t fill the holes in their heart, they still have plenty of other holes for you to fill. Now that’s what I call character depth.

I’m so fucked up.

Haruhi Suzumiya ~ The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

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Many of the people who recommend The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya were around during the series’ explosive popularity. Back in the day, this show was a huge deal. It meant something to a lot of people and made a huge impact on the anime community and the anime industry as a whole. I was worried that I might not be able to enjoy the show as much as fans did back in 2006. But after finally watching the show last year, I can safely say that my worries were misplaced—at the end of the day, a great show is a great show, regardless of context. And Haruhi is one hell of a good show. I even got a kick out of the notorious Endless Eight arc (though it’s not something I plan on re-watching anytime soon, believe me) and ended giving the second season an 8 out 10 (an endless 8 out of 10, you might say (please kill me)) while giving the first season and movie a 9 out of 10. One of the primary reasons I loved the series so much was its characters, especially the main character and narrator Kyon and the titular Haruhi Suzumiya herself. I’d like to write a post sometime about what makes these two and the rest of the cast such great characters. But for now, let’s just talk about Haruhi.

Digibro knows what’s up. Haruhi is one of the hottest characters ever put to screen. I won’t really go into too much depth about the character design itself, however. I think it speaks for itself anyhow—I mean, just look at her, for God’s sake. She’s super cute and has a great body to boot, but I think it’s the way Haruhi carries herself and the intense energy she exudes that really elevate her to the next level of sex-appeal. Whenever she looks hot, there’s a sense that she knows it and wants you to know it. It’s that level of self-confidence (or at the very least a lack of self-consciousness) that makes her magnetically sexy. And let’s be honest, no one can rock a bunny suit quite the way Haruhi can. Hell, she looks great in everything she wears.

Out of all the characters on this list, Haruhi is the girl who would the most fun to date, rivaled only by one other girl I’ll talk about later. She might not make the best girlfriend overall, but every moment spent with her would be a blast, every day an exciting new adventure. She has little interest in living a “normal” life and always strives for the extraordinary, the exciting, the unknown. She wants to be seen as special and unique, regardless of the negative social consequences that could result—something that many (including myself) wish they could they do with as much resolve and spunk as Haruhi. You could label her as childish, arrogant or even autistic, but the series helps  you understand her perspective so proficiently that it really doesn’t matter. She’s a character who bursts with energy and life, and she dominates every moment she’s on the screen.

It’s kind of strange that I find these aspects of Haruhi as admirable and attractive as I do, since she’s completely different from me. Sure, the things I do in my free time aren’t exactly what society deems “normal”, and Haruhi would probably find me more interesting than most people if we could ever meet, but I’m utterly lacking in her excessive energy, her bombastic personality, and her unwavering drive to fulfill her desires. Though I act like an insane, autistic retard online and with my close friends, I find quieter hobbies and spending time alone is what suits me best. I suppose the old “opposites attract” phrase may ring true here, but I feel it’s a bit more complicated than that. Maybe it’s because I want to be just a little bit more like her, or maybe it’s because I think she could add that extra bit of excitement that my life needs every once in a while. Or maybe it’s just because I want to fuck her. I suppose it’s all three at once. Whatever it is, I’m hooked. I forgot to mention that Haruhi is also literally God, so that’s definitely a plus.

Mafuyu Orifushi ~ Kanojo x Kanojo x Kanojo

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Oh yeah, I’m going there. For those of you who don’t know, Mafuyu is a hentai character, making her distinct from every other entry on this list. Because of the pornographic source material, I can’t deny that Mafuyu is on this list because of her aesthetics and sexuality. What I can deny is that this somehow makes her a shallow or unjustified pick.

Let’s get the simplest thing out of the way: Mafuyu is one of the sexiest and cutest characters in all of hentai—in all of anime, for that matter. Everything about her aesthetic is pure eye-candy for me. She rocks the gothic lolita look like no other character can—hell, the black-and-white-striped stockings on their own are a major turn-on. Normally I wouldn’t think of blonde twintails as something I find attractive, but Mafuyu makes it work and then some. Don’t even get me started on her body. I’ll admit that I’m a bit picky when it comes to being a lolicon—only some lolis come off as anything more than cute—but Mafuyu pushes all the right buttons for me. I’ll probably say this about other girls on this list, but it’s like Mafuyu was designed specifically for me—the emphasis on her feet and legs, the seductive up-close shots of her lips, the way she likes to get a bit kinky but never quite crosses the line—I could go on all day about her. She’s the reason Kanojo x Kanojo x  Kanojo is one of my go-to hentai, and all three of her sex scenes are personal favorites of mine.

Am I really about to argue that Mafuyu is a well-written character? As far as hentai characters go, absolutely. Now before you crucify me in the comments section, at least give me a chance to explain myself. Yes, Mafuyu is literally a character created to be fucked by the protagonist and masturbated to by the audience, and sex is inseparable from nearly every aspect of her personality and design. But so what? Sexuality is important to all people, in real life and in fiction. It’s certainly not unique to hentai characters, I can tell you that much. It’s the way that Mafuyu explores her blooming adolescent sexuality that makes her a legitimately interesting character. She’s sexually curious and always seeking something new out of sex (For example, giving a foot-job and seeing male sexual pleasure in action for the first time in episode 1, trying fellatio and losing her virginity in episode 2, or giving a successful boob-job in episode 3 despite her small breasts). She never wants to be outclassed by her more sexually mature and well-endowed sisters in spite of her young age. On the opposite end of her sexual curiosity, there’s a stubbornness to Mafuyu’s personality that prevents her from getting the as much out of sex as she can. While Akina and Natsumi love to be fucked to high heaven, Mafuyu always tries to be in control and hates to be seen as submissive or needy. This is obvious from the one-sidedness of the footjob scene in episode 1 and the use of bondage to prevent Haruomi from intervening in episode 2. In reality, Mafuyu likes to be dominated as much as she likes to dominate. I think this is true of most people in real life,  including myself. Sometimes we like being on the giving end and other times we like being on the receiving end (of course I’m only talking about fantasy in my case—if I had a real girlfriend who was down to fucking I probably wouldn’t be writing this post). But Mafuyu simply won’t give in to the latter desire. When Haruomi breaks free of the bondage in episode 2 to give Mafuyu one hell of a good deflowering, she can only pretend she didn’t love every second of it. In episode 3, her character arc comes to a conclusion in the show’s greatest sex scene, the bathroom scene. Mafuyu gets Haruomi to take a bath with her, sexual motivations clearly in mind. First comes the boob-job I mentioned earlier. This is the first time we actually see Mafuyu express her sexual frustrations, saying that she’ll never be able to beat Akina and Natsumi because of her small breasts. Haruomi helps her out by showing her a different method, demonstrating that cooperation is more important in sex than who’s on top and who’s on bottom. When the boob-job is over, Haruomi catches Mafuyu off-guard by grabbing hold of her and fingering her until she has an orgasm. This is the first and only time in the series we see one-sided sex with Mafuyu on the receiving end. After that’s finished, you can tell that the preliminary bullshit is done; these two are ready to fuck like wild animals in heat. Mafuyu makes one last pathetic attempt to appear dominant, but after Haruomi teases her one last time she finally gives in and says “please put it in”. She finally lets herself be honest with her desires, and what results is one hell of a good time.

I think DaLadyBugMan of The Bugblog puts it best in his A Love Letter to Mafuyu post: “I don’t know whether you’re actually a well-written character, or if I’m just obsessed enough that I can extrapolate every little detail”. While I doubt I’m anywhere near as obsessed with Mafuyu as he is, that 700-word paragraph I just wrote is a testament to this statement. And I suppose that’s what waifu culture is all about—a fascination with even the smallest of details. Hell, that’s what all love is like to some extent. I guess what I’m trying to do here is to defend the otaku tradition of having waifus, for as stupid as it might seem to anyone outside the anime community. Keep on loving those animated bombshells that fill up the hidden folders on your computer, and I’ll keep on doing the same for Mafuyu and every other girl on this list.

Weird how some the most meaningful shit I’ve written on this list came out of a porn character…I should probably kill myself now.

Mamimi Samejima ~ FLCL

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Much like Evangelion, FLCL has three top-tier waifus to choose from: Haruko, Mamimi, and Ninamori. To be honest, Haruko was never really a contender for me—she’s hot, don’t get me wrong, but she simply doesn’t appeal to me nearly as much as Mamimi and Ninamori. And while I still consider Ninamori one of my top waifus, I had to go with my girl Mamimi.

Mamimi is one hot mess of a character, often quite literally. She’s a homeless, depressed, chain-smoking pyromaniac who constantly ditches school, is bullied by her classmates, takes out her sexual frustrations on a 6th-grader, and is very likely mentally unstable to a critical degree. Despite all of this, she still manages to be a really fun and lively character. She’s also the only character on this list who’s the exact same age as me, 17. And I don’t just mean her age within the show, either—FLCL came out the year I was born, too. Coincidence? Yeah, probably. But still, it’s almost like it was meant to be.

Much like the beloved females of Evangelion, it is Mamimi’s deep-rooted flaws which make her distinct as a waifu. While I’ve never been homeless, smoked cigarettes, committed arson, or had a crumbling romantic relationship before, I can still empathize with Mamimi on a personal level. It’s her sense of longing and unfulfilled desires, all of her futile attempts to fill the hole in heart, that really hit me hard. The thing about Mamimi (and this can be said about my girl Ninamori as well) is that, despite her wacky anime antics, she’s still meant to be a real girl, a human being like you and me. And like real people (especially girls if you’re as socially retarded as me), she can often be difficult to fully understand. For all of the things I understand about Mamimi, there’s still quite a bit that’s a mystery to me, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing—that sense of mystery has an allure of its own. It’s a testament to FLCL‘s insanely high re-watch value. The whole show is densely-packed and can be extremely cryptic and confusing, but you unravel it more and more over time. You don’t need to fully understand the show right away, and you can always find new things to love about it, much like Mamimi herself.

And let’s be honest. There’s can be no denying that Mamimi is hot as hell. It’s like she was designed specifically to cater to me—the pouty lips, the dreamy eyes, the unkempt medium-length dark-red hair (oddly specific I realize), the smoking, even the way her legs and feet are revealed throughout the series and shown off in promotional art. She gets me going like few other characters can. I realize I say this about all of the girls on this list, but that’s what makes them my waifus, after all. I suppose I should address a slight hypocrisy on my part: I’m not really into girls who smoke in real life. Due to several of my real-life relatives, I know very well how harmful and—quite frankly—gross smoking can be. Yet fiction has a way of making it look incredibly cool and even sexy, and Mamimi is the ultimate example of this for me. Even as I this I keep getting distracted looking at pictures of her in another tab and I can actually feel my heartbeat getting faster. All I want is to fill the hole in Mamimi’s heart and then fill the holes on the lower half of her body. I know I already made the same joke when I was talking about Asuka but I’m unoriginal and am progressing further along the autistic spectrum more and more every second I spend making this list so I literally don’t even give a fuck anymore. Please kill me.

Mamimi is the perfect combination of empathetic and mysterious, as much of a hot beauty as she is a hot mess, and as jovial and fun as she is depressingly down-to-earth and deeply flawed. She’s one of favorite female anime characters and one of the best parts of one of my favorite anime series.

Nia Teppelin Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

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Gurren Lagann really hits all the right notes fsor me. Not only is it my favorite anime, but it also has my favorite male anime character, Simon, and one of my favorite female anime characters, Nia. There was never any doubt in my mind that Nia would be on this list. As much as I love Yoko and would have liked to include her on this list, she just isn’t any match for Nia.

Nia is quite possibly the most adorable little sweetheart in all of anime. “Cute” on its own is a gross understatement foe describing her. It doesn’t matter if it’s her initial look with the royal clothing and the long hair, or her updated look with the short hair and more tomboyish Team Dai-Gurren outfit—Nia’s design, along with her sweet and bubbly personality, outclasses every other anime character in terms of pure cuteness. Even her post-timeskip design manages to capture much of that same cuteness while turning her into a gorgeous adult woman, something I will probably appreciate even more when I’m older. For now, though, it’s pre-timeskip Nia that really grabs me. Besides being the cutest character ever put to screen, she’s also one of the sexiest in my eyes. For those of you who share the same tastes as me, one look at Nia should be thorough explanation. You probably get the idea by this point in the list—for all of the different traits that make me love each of these girls so much, it always comes back to how much I want to fuck them.

But of course, there’s much more to Nia than how much I want to fuck her—and I really want to fuck her, let me be clear. In spite of her appearance and personality, Nia is a tragic character if there ever was one. Time and time again she’s told that her existence is meaningless. She starts off as a doll, a dispensable, replaceable plaything to quench Lordgenome’s boredom, and later becomes a doll yet again, an insignificant tool of the Anti-Spiral. Yet she never lets it get to her. Her unwavering faith in the human spirit, in Team Dai-Gurren, and above all else in Simon, gives her an infinite wellspring of hope and optimism. She defies the very nature of her existence and carves a path to her own destiny. Her relationship with Simon is one of my favorites in all of anime for a very simple yet powerful reason: He gives her life meaning, and she gives his life meaning. Instead of a meek little boy living in Kamina’s shadow and a used-up doll thrown away to die, they become Simon the Digger and Nia motherfucking Teppelin. It’s human symbiosis and love at its most potent and pure. It’s because of that love that Team Dai-Gurren is able to track down the Anti-Spiral homeworld and defeat them, rescuing Nia in the process. People often make the shallow misjudgment that Nia is somehow a weak character who only exists to coddle Simon and act as a captive for him to go and rescue. These people are fucking idiots and should kill themselves for not being able to comprehend Gurren Lagann‘s genius writing. I’d like to see one of them get probed by an all-powerful Lovecrafitan alien species, only to tell said species to go eat its own ass. Just saying.

“If people’s faith in you is what gives you your power, then I believe in you with every fiber of my being!” What an amazing quote from an amazing character. All I could ever ask for in life is someone (preferably a cute girl) who believes in me the way Nia believes in Simon. I would have been finished with this blog post way earlier if that were the case. Ah, well, I don’t mind just having the fictional version for now.

Ogiue Chika Genshiken

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[This will include major spoilers for the Genshiken manga, which I highly recommend reading if you haven’t already.]

It might be somewhat misleading to say Ogiue Chika is my favorite female anime character of all time, since her character arc only really comes to fruition in the manga version of Genshiken. Regardless, Ogiue is the character on this list who I love the most as a character, even if she isn’t necessarily my top waifu (though if I had to rank this list, she’d be pretty close to the top). Besides being small and adorable, her development over the course of the story is something that I can really empathize and relate with, and it’s what convinced me that Genshiken was not only a masterpiece, but currently my favorite manga series of all time.

Ogiue is a character who grapples with extreme self-hatred, a result of a past incident involving a yaoi dojinshi and a boy named Makita. She is unable to accept who she is and constantly lashes out at other people as a result. She’s an otaku who hates otaku and an immensely talented artist who’s too afraid of the potential consequences of her art to get it out there. But through her friendship the other members of the Genshiken and the feeling of acceptance and belonging that comes with it, she is able to gradually overcome her inner turmoil. Moreover, it is her blossoming romance with Sasahara that breaks her out of her artistic prison, and the first half of the series concludes with Ogiue starting her career as a professional mangaka. Because of all of this, she is able to become a happier person. This character arc hit me like a freight train, and prompted me to read the second and third omnibus volumes of Genshiken in half a week. As someone whose hobbies and lifestyle aren’t exactly considered “normal” by society’s standards, and as someone who’s wanted to be a professional author since he was still wetting the bed but has been crippled by the fear of invalidation and failure, there are few characters I can relate to on a deeply personal level as much as Ogiue.

And let’s forget that Ogiue is adorable as fuck and has the perfect ‘adult loli’ body. My man Sasahara has taste—he better be hitting that shit day and night. But all jokes aside, Ogiue rocks. She’s my favorite female character in all of anime and manga, and she’ll probably be one of top waifus for countless years.

Fanart Source: https://www.zerochan.net/1553974

Peridot ~ Steven Universe

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The only non-anime character on this list. Peridot starts off as a cold-hearted villain, but after being trapped on Earth at the end of season one, she begins to go through a “thawing the ice witch” sort of arc, and it quickly becomes apparent that she’s not only harmless but totally adorable as well. She redeemed herself and transformed from a dismissable antagonist to one of my favorite characters in Steven Universe.

Design-wise, Peridot is completely different from every other character on this list—to begin with, she’s not even a human being. The Dorito-shaped hairstyle takes some getting used to, not to mention the fact she’s green. But her design grew on me more and more, and now I consider her to be the cutest Gem in Steven Universe. The way she starts off despising everything Earth but secretly grows attached to it and develops a friendship with her former enemies is an incredibly touching character arc, and her growing love of social media, television, and the classic alien aesthetic is adorable to see unfold. She’s essentially a socially awkward dork, something I can relate with and find incredibly endearing.

I also must confess that I’m a pretty hard shipper of Peridot and Lapis Lazuli—two socially inept outcasts living alone together in seclusion? Come on now, do I really need to explain the romantic potential there?

Peridot has been an absolute joy to watch in what I’ve seen of Steven Universe—I haven’t seen all of season four quite yet, but I look forward to seeing more of her antics for episodes upon episodes to come.

Rukia Kuchiki ~ Bleach 

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I’ve really been grappling with my feelings about Bleach for a while now. It was the series responsible for getting me into anime in a big way a few and a half years ago, but since I first watched it its flaws have become painfully apparent. I’d like to re-watch it or read through the manga from the beginning, but I’m scared of the possibility I won’t enjoy it, that a series which used to mean so much to me while suddenly mean nothing. Still, no matter how flawed Bleach might be, Rukia Kuchiki is a character I thoroughly love and remember fondly, and I highly doubt a re-viewing could change that.

Rukia was my top waifu for so long it’s insane that I almost didn’t include her on the list. Even those who criticize the way Bleach became worse and worse over its run-time agree that Rukia was genuinely cool and likable from beginning to end. Kubo can try to make Orihime top waifu all he wants, but Rukia will always reign supreme. I think you guys get it at this point—the petite build, the small breasts, the focus on legs and feet, etc, etc—it’s pretty obvious why Rukia suits my tastes so well. Kubo even makes a point out of giving Rukia a great ass—just like a peach. In addition to her cute and sexy design, Rukia is quite simply a fun, smart, and badass character who’s impossible not to love. I don’t think there’s anything ultra-specific about Rukia that resonates with me on a deep, personal, but you don’t always need that kind of stuff to make a great character or waifu. Maybe I’m just looking through rose-tinted glasses here, but Rukia sliced her way into my heart back in 2014 and hasn’t left ever since. She was the first of her kind—my very first waifu, even before knew what a waifu was.

As for the ending chapters of the Bleach manga, I’m actually a lot more satisified than many about what happened to Rukia. I’ll admit that I was an Ichiruki shipper for a long time, and I was a bit disappointed that they didn’t end up together in the end. But still, we got to see her follow in Byakuya’s footsteps by becoming a Squad Captain, and we  got to see her get together with Renji and even have a daughter, which is the next best thing in my eyes. Maybe I would’ve been angrier if I’d been following the series for longer than a few short years. Either way, it doesn’t change my opinion of Rukia. She’ll be one of my OG waifus for years to come.

Satsuki Kiryuin ~ Kill la Kill

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Satsuki is quite possibly the most badass character on this list. She’s probably one of the most badass female characters in all of anime, in all of fiction for that matter. She exudes power as both an individual and a leader, commanding respect, admiration, and fear from all. She has all the physical power, the charisma, the intelligence, and the indomitable will to back up her authoritative position and fulfill her hidden endgoal. Even though she’s only a year older than me at 18, I’m incapable of seeing her as a just a girl—she’s a mature, indomitable woman and warrior. Despite her harshness and intolerance for failure, Satsuki is a kind and caring person deep down, and is willing to sacrifice everything for the greater good, even her life. For those of you who don’t know about the Satuski’s massive revelation in Kill la Kill Episode 17, I won’t spoil it for you here. All I’ll say is that it elevates this already amazing character to a whole new league.

As I’m sure you realized by this point, I can’t really avoid talking about physical attraction when it comes to these ladies. Satsuki has a killer body, with an ass as thick as her eyebrows. She has the sort of tall, muscular build that really speaks volumes to the more sexually-submissive side of my fucked-up imagination. What makes her even sexier is that she’s completely unashamed to wear Junketsu and show off her rockin’ body, quite literally using sexuality as weapon. Satsuki is also deceptively cute, with a more feminine side that is only revealed in rare instances. As much as I love Ryuko and Mako, Satsuki takes the throne when it comes to Kill la Kill waifus.

Suruga Kanbaru ~ Monogatari Franchise

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When you make a top ten waifu list, a character from the Monogatari franchise is pretty much a necessity. Not only does the series contain some of the best character designs in all of anime, but each and every one of these ladies are oozing with the charm, nuance, and personality that put them in a whole new league from their contemporaries. I was considering Sengoku Nadeko for this list, but I feel that I wouldn’t have much to talk about outside of her unbelievably adorable design. Yes, I know all about her arc in Monogatari Second Season, but I haven’t had the pleasure of watching it myself yet. So for now, Kanbaru’s my girl.

Remember how I said Haruhi Suzumiya would be the female character most fun to date, rivaled only by one other girl on this list? Well, Kanbaru is that other girl. Like Haruhi, she is constantly bursting with energy and liveliness, a character who dominates every moment she’s on screen. It’s impossible not to love Kanbaru—she’s simply a blast to watch. I said how with Haruhi there’s a sense she wants you to know how hot she is. With Kanbaru, that goes waaaaay beyond just a “sense”. She has the most openly sexual personality of any non-hentai character on this list, spending much of her free time reading erotica naked and being an implicit bi-sexual, considering herself to be both a fujoshi and a lolicon. She frequently flaunts her insanely hot, athletically toned body without the slightest bit of embarrassment. And have you seen how flexible she is? I may not ever know from experience, but I’m almost certain she’d be a god in the bedroom. She might not necessarily be the hottest character on this list, but she’s probably the character I’d most like to have sex with. Kanbaru might not have quite the same love of the extraordinary as Haruhi, but I’ll bet she’s just as adventurous in the bedroom. I don’t even mind the monkey paw—I’m not much of a furry, but I find it kind of kinky in a weird way. And hey, I might not be much of an athlete, but I’d love to get private basketball lessons from Kanbaru. I don’t even mean that in the perverted way (well, maybe a little)—basketball is one of the only sports I can actually have fun with in P.E before hating myself for sucking at sports afterward—for most sports just the latter is true. And if it meant winning Kanbaru’s heart, I would learn how to slam dunk faster than you can say “I’m Araragi’s sex slave!”

I’d really like to talk about the deeper aspects of Kanbaru’s character, but she’s only had one full arc in what I’ve seen of the Monogatari franchise. Her development in the “Suruga Monkey” arc was interesting enough, but it left me itching for more. I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to watching Hanamonogatari. But either way Kanbaru has already managed to claw her way into my heart, not to mention my google drive.

Honorable Mentions/Runner-Ups 

Your eyes don’t deceive you, ladies and gentlemen. Not only did I make a separate section for of all of the girls who just barely missed out on being on the list, but I also wrote a paragraph for each and every one of them. I am a madman and you can’t stop me.

  • Lenalee Lee ~ D.Gray-Man – This girl has one of the finest pairs of legs I’ve ever seen. Katsura Hoshino knows exactly what she’s doing when she designs the tantalizingly short skirts on Lenalee’s uniforms. I know it’s strange to start off by talking about her legs, but I really must emphasize: I want Lenalee to sit on my face. This is an important matter to me. But in all seriousness, Lenalee is not only adorable but also a kick-ass character all-around. Like Rukia, there’s not anything about Lenalee that I relate to on a deep, personal level. She’s a great character in the most straightforward sense, and sometimes that’s all you need.
  • Lum ~ Urusei Yatsura – From what I’ve seen of Urusei Yatsura (five episodes to be exact), it’s a damn good show, regardless of age. Because of how many anime I  watch, however, I’ve had it on-hold for a long time now, but I’ll be sure to give it the attention it deserves eventually. You don’t even see to watch the show, however, to understand the appeal of its main female character, Lum. She’s a sexy alien princess with long green hair, horns, and a tiger-striped bikini. What more explanation do you need? She’s up there with Fujiko Mine as one of the very first anime sex, and her appeal lives on after almost four decades. I won’t even deny that Lum was the only reason I’d even heard of the Urusei Yatsura in the first place, and I’ve probably spent more time beating my meat to her than I’ve actually watching the show itself. That’s pretty pathetic of me now that I think about it. When I finally finish the series, maybe I’ll write a blog post or two to make up for it. Maybe Lum will even make it into the list next time, who knows?
  • Mika ~ Resort Boin – Mika is yet another hentai character, but unlike Mafuyu, it’s hard for me to justify putting her on the list. She’s sort of similar to Suruga Kanbaru in that she’s an athletic tomboy with a toned, muscular body and openly sexual personality that make her unbelievably hot—hell, she even has Kanbaru’s implied bisexuality, being one of the only characters in Resort Boin to take part in a yuri scene. However, she lacks Kabaru’s level of depth and charm. She’s just a porn character, and no amount of sexy tan lines, or anal in the shower, or tribadism can change that.
  • Misato Katsuragi ~ Neon Genesis Evangelion – If my intense attraction to Asuka ever begins to fade away, Misato will almost certainly rise up in the ranks take her place as my Eva waifu. I’m not really old enough to relate with Misato the way I do with Shinji, but she’s still an incredibly likable, three-dimensional, and well-crafted character. Plus, she’s sexy as hell. I love the contrast between the badass, intelligent commander she is at NERV and the drunken slob she becomes at home. Her attempts to empathize with and help Shinji is something I find extremely admirable, despite the fact that most her attempts fail and that she shares many of the same flaws as him. She’s the glue that holds together one of anime’s greatest cast of main characters, and a lovable character all around. Plus she’s sexy as hell—what more could you possibly ask for?
  • Nico Robin ~ One PieceBest Guy Ever has superb taste in waifus. Not only does Nico Robin have one of the most heart-wrenching character arcs in all of anime (via the Enies Lobby arc), but she’s also unbelievably hot, with a character design that puts her in a whole other league from every other female in One Piece. And I feel I must mention that Nico Robin would be the ultimate hentai character and has been criminally underutilized in that area. Think about it: she can grow extra limbs out of anything—the possibilities are endless. Having sex with this woman would be completely and utterly godlike. I came very close to putting her on the main list, but she just barely missed the cut.
  • Ninamori Eri ~ FLCL – That’s right, folks. A 12-year-old girl is one of my waifus. Judge me all you like, I don’t give a fuck. Ninamori is a god damn vixen and I would totally let her wear my pajamas. I’m 100% serious when I say that bedroom scene in episode three of FLCL is one of my favorite pieces of fanservice in all of anime—it’s subtle to the point that some won’t even realize it’s fanservice at all, but for those who wield the sixth sense of the lolicon, it’s the stuff of wet dreams. Ninamori’s appeal goes far beyond that one scene, however. Like Mamimi, she can be difficult to fully grasp at first, and has that alluring combination of mystery and empathy to her as a result. I almost considered getting rid of the whole one-girl-per-show rule just because of her, but I stuck with my code of loyalty and had to drop her to the honorable mentions section. It doesn’t change the fact that I still absolutely adore Ninamori, and consider her one of the best waifus in all of anime.
  • Rei Ayanami ~ Neon Genesis Evangelion – I may stand on the side of Asuka in the never-ending Evangelion waifu debate, but I can’t deny that Rei is a great character and has one of the cutest and sexiest designs in all of anime. I think people underestimate how well-written Rei actually is. You almost don’t realize how much she’s developed until she’s replaced by a blank slate in episode 23. Many people insult her by calling her an “inanimate object” or a “doll”. Congratulations, folks, you’ve completely missed the point yet again. Much like Nia, Rei is able to create her own sense of individual identity through her friendship with Shinji, the only person who treats her as an equal. This development reaches it peak in End of Evangelion when makes Shinji humanity’s judge instead of Gendo. Rei is yet another testament to NGE‘s top-notch character-writing. And I really want to fuck her. So yeah.
  • Sengoku Nadeko ~ Monogatari – Nadeko makes my inner lolicon drool like.. She’s so adorable that I watched all off “Nadeko Snake” in one sitting despite it being Bakemonogatari‘s most poorly-written arc. The thing is, there’s almost no reason outside of character design that I even considered her for this list. Like I said when talking about Kanbaru, I haven’t seen the “Nadeko Medusa” arc yet, and because of that I can’t use it as supporting evidence. So for now, Nadeko remains stuck in the Honorable Mentions section.
  • Yoko Littner ~ Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann – Yoko is a character who oozes sexuality every moment she’s on screen. While I personally don’t find her as attractive as Nia, I can’t deny that she’s one the hottest characters in all of anime. The long, fiery-red hair, the alluring, golden eyes  the flame-patterned bikini top, the voluptuous curves, the giant electric rifle—Yoko’s design speaks for itself. She’s a complete badass with a slightly muscular body that appeals to me for reasons I already mentioned when talking about Kanbaru and Satsuki. It’s a damn shame that none of the guys she hooks up with survive long enough to hit that shit. She’s no match for Nia in my eyes, but Yoko is a lovable character and hot as hell to boot.

Afterword

Damn, this list took way longer to make than I intended. I thought talking about my waifus would be a breeze, but I really had to think hard about who my waifus were and, more importantly, why. This is by far the longest post I’ve written thus far. As a result, I’ve been way less prolific in the past few weeks than at the beginning of June. I won’t try to make excuses, but keep in mind that I’m still a newbie at the whole blogging thing, and I’ve been struggling to fix my poor work ethic. I intend to become more and more prolific over the next couple of months.

In case you were wondering, that little google drive meme I brought up a few times isn’t just a joke—I really do have seven gigabytes worth of wank-bank material on there. Please help me.

You might have noticed that many of the girls on this list are “broken” or suffer from some form of social or psychological disorder. Asuka is violent and self-hating, Mamimi is a depressed, mentally unstable pyromaniac—hell, you could argue that Mafuyu and Kanbaru’s excessive sexual curiosity and openness are indicative of nymphomania.  I must confess that I find these types of characters profoundly attractive and endearing, in part because I can empathize and relate to them on a personal level, and in part because I want to be the one to “fix” or “save” them. Before you comment on how creepy and weirdly fetishistic this is, keep in mind that I’m fully aware of how fucked up I am. That quote from Shinji after he masturbates over Asuka’s comatose body in End of Eva is literally the most relatable line in all of anime for me. Well, maybe not the most relatable—but it’s up there, trust me. Besides, it’s probably because of that very trait—being ‘fucked up’ for lack of a better term—that I relate to and identify with these characters as much as I do. So at least I have empathy as an excuse.  It’s probably still a fetish though.

You may have also noticed that most of the girls on this list have relatively small breasts, something I even pointed out a few times. I have a great deal respect for breasts of all, but the characters I’m most attracted to tend to have B-cups—not necessarily flat-chested, just small. This isn’t always the case, though—there are tons of big-titted characters I find hot, just not hot enough to make the cut. Besides, I’m more of an ass man anyway. What I’m trying to say here is that my tastes are eclectic, so don’t think I’m a flat-only kind of a guy, and be a bit more open-minded when it comes to what makes a waifu a waifu.

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Author: YoungThicc69

Too fat, but dangerous.

2 thoughts on “YoungThicc69’s Top 10 Waifus (2017)”

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